7/29/14

12:29 PM

Shits going on at the moment. We're in the middle of trying to move into a new house, but one of the issues is we can't even FIND a new house to move in to. Financial struggles are the bane of my existence. Our landlord is an unforgiving bitch that gave us a move out date, and it's looming over everyone's head. Especially when the move out date is July 31st, and it's the 29th right now. Everyone is frantically packing things and trying to get shit done but it's not enough. Growing up is one of those funny, tricky little terrifying things. Especially when the not so distant future is unclear. I find myself thinking things I normally wouldn't think about. If you had asked me how I felt about taxes a year and a half ago I would have said "taxes? like when something is $3.99 but with tax it makes it like, $4.07?"
I didn't and mostly still don't know shit about anything. There are things I have to learn to be a human being though. Filling out W2's, paying state taxes AND federal taxes. You don't realize how many things you have to do when you're an adult until you actually have to do it. It's pretty scary.

A few things that make this situation bearable, though:
I've started painting again. Even though I told myself I was going to put it down and walk away for awhile, this happened last night.

It's not anything super special, and It's not even done yet. but it counts for something, right? I'm experimenting with salt and rubbing alcohol. I'm also experimenting with not giving a shit with the end results, so I'm not thinking as hard. I'm not making as many premeditated strokes with the brush. It feels like I'm just fucking around with paint, and I actually really like the feeling. I'm also trying to stick to using the colors I rarely use, and I'm working on getting to know them and the way they breathe. (that sounded significantly less douchey in my head. sorry bout it.)

I don't know if a delusional part of my brain is tricking me or if it's actually real, but on most days when I walk outside, it feels like fall. It smells like it and feels like it's approaching, even though it technically doesn't look like it yet. I can feel it, and that's all that matters.
Not much else is happening besides this. my TWO Nikon cameras are still staring me in the face, uncharged and waiting to be used. It burns me in the most painful way.