I have a million photos I've never posted that i'd like to get around to posting. This is going to be one big post for them and now i'm going to swear to never let myself get this backed up again, because it's dreadful as all hell trying to catch up.

Four days ago I quit my job and now I'm finishing up the plans for a visit to Texas. I'm pretty sure i'm going crazy because I've had four days of absolutely nothing. I spent a lot of time with my friend Lauren and we took goofy pictures and over half of them didn't come out right because we couldn't take ourselves seriously, and they're super grainy because it was foggy. There's still snow on the ground and It's gradually starting to melt but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I want it to be warm but I also don't want to give up my boots and sweaters. After a year and some of working, i'm not sure I know quite what to do with myself now. Except take horrible pictures with my best friends.
 
 
 

Synopsis: 
"Marcus aka “w1n5t0n,” is only seventeen years old, but he figures he already knows how the system works–and how to work the system. Smart, fast, and wise to the ways of the networked world, he has no trouble outwitting his high school’s intrusive but clumsy surveillance systems.
But his whole world changes when he and his friends find themselves caught in the aftermath of a major terrorist attack on San Francisco. In the wrong place at the wrong time, Marcus and his crew are apprehended by the Department of Homeland Security and whisked away to a secret prison where they’re mercilessly interrogated for days.

When the DHS finally releases them, his injured best friend Darryl does not come out. The city has become a police state where every citizen is treated like a potential terrorist. He knows that no one will believe his story, which leaves him only one option: "M1k3y" will take down the DHS himself."

Most of my days are spent at work taking copious amounts of smoke breaks and obsessing over Amber's blog on said breaks. I've started re-reading posts because I've read all of the new ones and it's borderline obsessive.
I haven't read much of anything else lately because I haven't had the time and that makes me really sad. I could always just review books I've already read on here, and that's more than likely what I'll do. If i can remember to do it, and if I have the time.
I've turned into this person that only does what is necessary instead of making time to do things. That really bothers me and I know I need to make a conscious effort to actually do things because if I don't I'll waste my life away.
Oh! I am going to make a "work space" post and post pictures of my desk and things I use most often, etc. I've been having an urge to do this lately, and I actually cleaned my desk last night and took some pictures. I'm thinking about taking some pictures during the day time as well, so I'll probably do that today.
Today is one of my rare days off, and breaks from work are few and far between when you're a reliable worker and every other coworker calls off at every waking moment.
I need a new job, even though I feel bad saying that, because they just gave me a raise a few weeks ago.
Oh well. I'm not meant to work at this shitty job for forever. It's going to come to an end soon, at least i'm hoping.
I do know that I'll have a kick ass reference when I'm done here, though. Anyway, I have to go to the fuckin mall because my coworker is having a fuckin baby, so I have to spend actual money on her baby shower.
Which I don't actually mind as much, I just really hate going to the mall.
At least there's a Chipotle right next to it.

Shits going on at the moment. We're in the middle of trying to move into a new house, but one of the issues is we can't even FIND a new house to move in to. Financial struggles are the bane of my existence. Our landlord is an unforgiving bitch that gave us a move out date, and it's looming over everyone's head. Especially when the move out date is July 31st, and it's the 29th right now. Everyone is frantically packing things and trying to get shit done but it's not enough. Growing up is one of those funny, tricky little terrifying things. Especially when the not so distant future is unclear. I find myself thinking things I normally wouldn't think about. If you had asked me how I felt about taxes a year and a half ago I would have said "taxes? like when something is $3.99 but with tax it makes it like, $4.07?"
I didn't and mostly still don't know shit about anything. There are things I have to learn to be a human being though. Filling out W2's, paying state taxes AND federal taxes. You don't realize how many things you have to do when you're an adult until you actually have to do it. It's pretty scary.

A few things that make this situation bearable, though:
I've started painting again. Even though I told myself I was going to put it down and walk away for awhile, this happened last night.
I don't know if a delusional part of my brain is tricking me or if it's actually real, but on most days when I walk outside, it feels like fall. It smells like it and feels like it's approaching, even though it technically doesn't look like it yet. I can feel it, and that's all that matters.
Not much else is happening besides this. my TWO Nikon cameras are still staring me in the face, uncharged and waiting to be used. It burns me in the most painful way.

I am a strong believer of writing what you want to write. I'm sure I've said this before many posts ago, but it is still true. When I think of strong world building and believable characters, I think vaguely of the worlds, books and characters that I fall in love with over and over again. Fantasy is an interesting genre. You can't really call anything yours in this world, not unless you've created something that hasn't been done. I'm a person who instantly recognizes a repeat, whether it be in a world or in a character. Repeats annoy a lot of people, but I'm strangely indifferent about it. There is always a redeemable quality in the book, something that is strangely familiar, but twisted in a different way to make it different and new. I read a new book by a favorite author of mine that unsettled me. It is a trilogy, (I think, I'm not sure if there will be a fourth book yet.) But anyway, I read the first two books back to back to refresh my memory for the third, which is what I usually do, but this time it felt weird. After I finished the second book it felt like I had just finished the first. The plot, the dialogue, everything seemed so similar it left a bad taste in my mouth. I brushed it off hoping the third would redeem the other two, but I was wrong. If you put all three books together, they would be the same. You could take the first half of the first book, the middle of the second book, and the ending of the third and it would seem like you were reading one solid book. This unsettles me in so many ways. First and foremost because I consider this person to be one of my very favorite authors, and second because when I think about what kind of writer I want to be, she has always popped into my mind. I've said before that authors very rarely stray from what they know how to write, which isn't always a bad thing. Most authors know how to twist a story without straying from what they know. This is an extremely difficult thing to do, and very often it ends up being bad and unreadable. What makes the difference is knowing your characters and your world to the very bone. Knowing the way it breathes, knowing every small detail. A lot of people say that process isn't necessary to write a good book, but I don't agree. Personally, I cannot write a book if I don't know how my character would react to a minor issue. I cannot write a book if I do not know the origins of my world, how it started, how it is now. How it will be twenty years from now. This is a personal preference and is not for everyone. I mean shit, books have been written on even less information than a simple description.
But I almost feel like something has been taken away from me after re-reading those books. Don't get me wrong, I still love the author. Her first series of books are still outstanding in my eyes, but it makes me realize a few things about the writing world. One of which is to always try to stretch the borders of what you know. Don't become an expert in one thing, become an expert in plenty of things. What is most important is to write what you love, not what you know.

This is going to be a short post because I have a lot of stuff to do today, but I've decided that I want to start posting book reviews and book recommendations. I've been thinking about doing this for a while but I'm so bad at remembering to post things on blogs that it just slips my mind. I have an art blog that basically only has one post and this is the best example of my inability to remember things. I've been working pretty hard at trying to remember things more often. I've started making lists again, and it has helped a little bit with remembering to do things.
I'm such shit at remembering things.