I'm spending my time filling out prompts I find on the internet and drinking coffee by the gallon. I'm inspired but at the same time I'm completely uninspired. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can get better but instead of sitting down to write i'm sitting down to make lists. My words aren't coming out right and it's really frustrating. I'm always trying to force it. Always forcing it. It's wrong and it feels weird and the words don't sound right when I re-read them. 

It's been a hot minute since we've spoken. Sorry about that. Life has thrown me plenty of curveballs lately. Work has been hectic, but my home life has been quiet lately. Well, as quiet as it can be. But it's actually pretty nice. I've been getting out more. The other day my friend Lauren and I spent copious amounts of time in AC Moore and I bought a bunch of things, including a subscription to Art Snacks, which I'm really fucking excited about. We had lunch and then I had to go back to work, which sucked, but hey. I need the money. Plus work isn't all that bad. My bosses are cool as hell, and some of my coworkers are awesome. (Lauren being one of them.) but a few of my coworkers are annoying as hell, which isn't very surprising. I've realized that part of being an adult is doing things you really fucking hate. Like being nice to rude as hell customers, and dealing with shitty coworkers who don't do their job.
On another really exciting note, Kayleigh will be here tomorrow. And I'm really excited about that. I finally have a job so saving up money to do things will be a hell of a lot easier.
Today is the first day I've written anything in a long time, and I've missed it more than I even realized.
It sucks when you're too busy to do anything. I barely text my friends because I'm always busy and it sucks, I feel like a shitty friend. I'm still waiting for my hectic schedule to slow down and I'm just about ready to get used to it. Being tired and sore all of the time fucking sucks.
I'm going to make a cup of tea and write some more, while I have the time.

I have a job now, and I've quickly found out that sitting around on my ass 90% of the time has come back to bite me. Two days into working and I was exhausted. That's pretty pathetic if you ask me. But anyway, I'm excited. I'll finally have money to do things and buy things. Instead of looking at things online and wishing I had money I can just buy them. I think my first 3 paychecks will be spent on impulse buys and then after that I have to maintain some responsibility. That's going to suck but I need to buy a car, and a new laptop. On top of that I also need to save money for an apartment and my road trip with Amber. So in the end it'll be worth it. I still need to get used to working though.

I've spent quite awhile trying to write this post. I would write it. Save the draft. Go back, delete half of it. Save it. Go back. And on again.
A few weeks ago, my grandmother died from lung cancer. I've been trying to figure out where i'm going from here. It's kind of hard to watch your entire life crumble around you. It's very overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, my life has been falling apart for quite some time. My grandmother's death sped it up a little bit. You'd think this change in my life would impact some kind of need to speed up my progress and actually get where I'm going, because, you know, carpe diem and shit like that. But for some reason it has slowed me down. I see everyone around me picking up their lives and moving towards something, and I feel like the last kid on the bus. Which, honestly, I fucking am. I have to get my shit together. I feel like I'm speeding towards a bridge and the bridge is rapidly lifting up and maybe I'll make it, maybe I won't. I'd rather make it.

Also, a few other things have happened. I've been gifted with small spurts of inspiration in the form of pictures. Which is always a good thing.

I miss Kayleigh.

The pocono mountains are fucking beautiful this time of year.

It is unusually sunny today and I've been obsessed with shadows lately.

So far this is my favorite chapter in Bird by Bird

How I've been spending most of my days.

The best thing I've ever read.

I made a spice cake and it was beautiful.

I'm going to make a "My life in pictures post at least once a month.

We all see how well my New Years resolution went. Damn. I really need to start posting more often. I can feel myself getting sick and it's the absolute worst. It is the bane of my existence. I'm extremely exhausted and I don't even know why. I feel sluggish and all I want to do is sleep. I've been crazy busy these past few weeks. Last week was spent in West Virginia visiting with my grandma, who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. It's bad, but I don't want to think about it. I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch with her watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. My siblings and I did a lot of that with her while we were growing up, so it was a nice kind of nostalgia. It is so easy to forget someone is sick when they are doing their basic everyday functions. It's really hard to accept that someone you love isn't doing so well.

One of the fantastic things that I got for Christmas is this book.